Tolerating life in a bunker
by Chameleons
Summary: This is about when Raven, Nero, the Fab Four, franz and Nigel are stuck in a bunker. The authors note explains more. Hopefully some hilarity will ensue. Please review! This fic is dedicated to the first person to review!
1. Chapter 1

**This is basically a fic where fhe fab four, Nero, Raven, Nigel and Franz are stuck in a bunker because of a nuclear attack or something? I don't really know. Anyway space is limited but they have plenty of food and everything else. Hope that explains it. Please review! Congratulations to for reviewing mariposa mirabilia (have i spelt that right?) this fic is dedicated you! Also thanks to AlphaFive and nightrunner144.**

"No way" said Raven firmly blocking the way to her room.

"But space is getting confined—" Nero wined

"It was fine before. You are not sleeping in the same bed as me"

"But"

"Please don't force me to remove you from my personal bubble." Raven watched as Nero left her room and then sighed with relief and flopped back on her bed.

Nero entered the main living area of the bunker where the Fab Four were all tied up and gagged,

"Er...Raven!" He called,

"What?"

"Why are...well they tied up?". Raven sighed and walked into the living area,

"Look, it's my tactic to stop them bugging me" Nero knew better than to argue with Raven, if he did he might end up on the floor with the Fab Four.

"En guarde!" Franz yelled bursting through one of the doors with a hiss of decompression, Nigel following sheepishly in his wake. Franz was wielding a piece of broken pipe like a fencing sword,

."Don't worry my friends I will be saving you" Raven rolled he eyes, they would have get free eventually.

"Nigel!" Franz commanded trying to sound chivalrous, "you will be subduing Raven and I will be freeing our friends." Raven looked at Nigel's nervous expression,

"Don't worry I'm not in the mood to be subdued I'll be in my room if you need me" she said laying the emphasis on the word 'my'.

One hour later...

"Er...Raven?" Nero stuck his head round the door,

"What now?"

"It's just we've been trying to untie the 'Fab Four' with well...little success"

"Really Nero sure Shelby will be able to untie a triple crossover?"

"We'll she's gone"

"What?"

"She got out ages ago she used to time to bagsy the TV"

"Can you help us then" Nero pleaded,

10 minutes later...

Nero was sitting among to Fab Four gagged and tied,

"There we go" said Raven rubbing her hands together satisfied, "Helped you" Nero made a muffled noise through the gag,

"Lemth meth gothm" he garbled,

"What was that?" Said raven putting one hand to her ear as though she couldn't hear him, "that is the sound of sweet sweet silence now if you don't mind I'm going to watch TV with Shelby."

**Did you like it? Btw I have another fic called 'the unexpected' which didnt appear at the top when I published so it would be great if you could check it out :) (you may have to search google for it)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is another short chapter. Please review I really appreciate it! Oh btw if you review please say also whether you'd see H.I.V.E if it was turned into a movie (Just a random sort of survey)**

Raven tipped the ration packs into the frying pan, typically they were supposed to be boiled but when fried with a bit of oil they tasted much better. As she tossed the greyish lumps about the pan she stared around the cramped empty kitchen. Why didn't Nero or any of the others ever help with the cooking?

"Dinner!" She yelled, almost laughing at how weirdly domestic she sounded. There was a clattering of footsteps and within seconds she had Nero and the Alphas all standing expectantly before her.

"Where is it" said Nero confused,

"You are cooking from now on" she said clamping the wooden spatula into his hand, "and you" she turned to the Alphas, "can help". Nero stared at the spatula in his hand in wonder as though he had never seen one before,

"Nero" she said mildly annoyed as the Alphas dispersed to try and make dinner, "this thing is called a spatula, you can toss things round the pan with it". Nero didn't move, "are you telling me" said Raven loudly so the Alphas could hear, "that the worlds 'greatest villain' doesn't know how to cook." This seemed to work, threats to Nero's pride snapped him out of anything,

"Of course I do" he replied somewhat haughtily,

"Then go into the kitchen then." She sighed, the rations are burning. Raven walked off, sometimes she really wondered how Nero ever got where he was, as far as she had seen (and she had known him for far too long) he wasn't capable of doing anything.

Later that evening...

The Alphas and Raven gathered round the small square steel table that was the dining room. Nero emerged clutching a pan full of black looking lumps with a huge grin on his face like a small child,

"I cooked" he started and set the pan down heavily on the table, "dinner" he sounded immensely pleased with himself. Then he began dishing out the blackened lumps onto all of their plates. Raven sighed for what seemed like the a hundredth time that evening, why did she always have to tell Nero stuff,

"Nero that's burnt" she said flatly, "and that's our rations for the day". Nero's face fell,

"Oh sorry, I thought it was meant to look like that". Laura muffled a laugh,

"That's it" said Raven standing up, "from now on Nero isn't doing the cooking".

"Yesssss" someone hissed, Raven snapped her head round lightening fast to face Nero,

"And that's because" she continued with an icy smile, "he's on washing up duty"

Even later that evening...

Nero stuck the final bowl on the drainer before shedding the rubber gloves,

"Raven can I ask you something?" Nero inquired.

"What" she said tired because she has just spent an hour watching the painstakingly slow process of Nero doing washing up.

"You know when you said yesterday had 'bagsyied' the TV"

"Well it's been missing for a while now"

"Bingo! Ten out of ten!" Raven said with half hearted sarcasm, "you worked out why she's called the wraith"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! sorry this is such a short update but anyhoo here we go. Please ****review it makes my day!**

Raven had been stuck in the bunker for three months now and you didn't have to be stupid to work out what made things happen was food.

"Cooooookiiiiees!" Yelled Franz. Unfortunately for Raven, most of the time she wasn't granted this pleasure.

"No" said Raven grabbing the bag and swinging up onto the ceiling from a pipe to avoid the freight train/Franz. "Wait for the others". Raven crawled along the ceiling and dropped back down onto the floor on the other side of the table. When Franz didn't stop approaching she drew a kantana from her back. Franz's eyes were crazed,

"Must have cookies. Franz will get cookies."

"Stop" she warned him, "I don't want to do this but—"

Seven minutes later...

"Why is tying people up your way of dealing with everything at the moment" Nero said with a sigh,

"Why don't you try tackling an angry Franz all on your own"

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

"It's like the Incredible Hulk" Raven said with kind of horrified fascination, "when there's food around her kind of transforms and get all strong and fast and—"

"Okay! Okay!" Nero said, holding up his hands. "Where are the cookies now?"

"I did the only thing I could under the circumstances" said Raven gravely, "I ate them"


	4. Chapter 4Christmas!

**Yay Christmas! Okay this is a chapter all about Christmas there probably will be a second part to it (as in it seems to have worked out with me doing one shots under the same theme so far). Please review and if you have any more ideas of what could happen in noun bunker please tell me! There is no such thing as a shortage of ideas!**

"Merry Christmas" said Otto flatly, "well this is nice"

"Yes it is" said Wing sincerely, "having no presents no decorations and no celebrations reminds me of Christmas in my own home"

"Yeah" Otto said shifting sideways away from Wing, "we're all really into the whole lonely christmas in a nuclear bunker". Laura walked in,

"I have an idea"

"What" asked Otto and Wing in unison. Laura smiled,

"Two words" she looked at they expectantly, "paper chains!"

A day later...

"Wow who would have known that Raven would be so good at making paper chains" Otto said watching in awe, "maybe it's a ninja thing"

"As I believe that I am a ninja I have objections contrary. I cannot work out these silly bits of paper you all find to pretty" said Wing. Otto ignored him and continued to watch Raven,

"No really I think she has a power" said Otto unable to look away, "they are literally coming from her finger tips"

"Hello Scrooges" Shelby said from between them,

"Whoa how did you get there"

"Magic" said Shelby plainly, "anyway why aren't you helping?"

"Since when did you know about a Christmas carol?" Otto asked,

"Just cos I'm American it doesn't mean—" Otto raised an eyebrow, "me and Laura watched it"

"I'm sorry but what is this Christmas carol everyone seems to be talking about." Said Wing confused,

"Bags not explaining to Wing what a Christmas ca—" Otto and Shelby started together then broke off.

Later that day...

"I'm mean I like paper chains but I think this is a little over the top" said Laura shifting a huge clump of paper chains to get to where Otto and Wing were sitting.

"She still hasn't stopped" said Otto with horrified fascination, "if we don't stop her we're all going to be drowned in paper chains"

"What can we do?" Said Laura with a sigh, "she's a ninja assassin, if she doesn't want to stop there's nothing we can do about it"

"Wait I have an idea" said Otto, "Wing, do you know how long Ravens stamina can last for"

"I have not a clear picture" Wing said with a frown, "it is not the kind of thing you ask"

"Just tell us the longest time you've seen" Otto pressed,

"About half a week" Wing said finally,

"Damn we're all doomed" moaned Laura,

"There is one thing" said Wing with a smirk, "it shall be called the attack of the Franz"

A few minutes later...

They had just finished refining their plan.

"I'm starting to feel bad now" said Laura nervously, "if we set food anger Franz on Raven there no way she'll be able to stop him"

"Really are you that worried" said Otto gesturing to the mounds of paper chains surrounding them up to waist height.

"I know, I know" Laura sighed,

"Any way if anything does go wrong it was Wings idea" Otto said satisfied as though that settled the matter. Wing however wasn't listening, he was staring across to where Raven was still making paper chains; Otto glanced over to where he was looking.

"Oh my god" Wing whispered and put a hand over his mouth, Shelby was sitting beside Raven making paper chains.

Even later that day...

"This has to work" whispered Laura. They were bunched up in her room because it was the one furthest from the dining room/Living area/kitchen.

"What did you tell him?" Otto asked,

"I said there was extra rations of cookies and Raven ate all of them"

"Don't you think that's slightly overdo—"

"And then I told him that she was hiding more cookies rations and wouldn't tell anyone where she hid them" Laura finished. There was silence for a few seconds before Wing spoke,

"I think we should take a few moments to consider what Raven had done for us throughout our lives and say a sincere goodbye" he wasn't joking. Suddenly they heard an enraged roar that sounded more like a bear than a person. Laura smirked,

"It's started"

In the kitchen...

Franz rounded the table and advanced on Raven breathing heavily out of his nostrils like a bull. Raven shuffled backwards scanning the room to find something she could use as a weapon. She saw nothing and she felt her back press into the cool metal of the wall.

"Calm down Franz" she said trying to keep the fear out of her voice. What have I done?"

"You ate ze cookies" he grunted, "you will be eliminated or I will find your hidden stash

"What stash?" Said Raven becoming more frantic as she stumbled through the sea of paper chains she had created.

"The ones you been hiding" said Franz with a nod that was more human than bull. Raven allowed herself to relax a little as the pieces started to fit together.

"Who told you that?" She said vaulting the table, but Franz wasn't in a speaking mood any more and he turned and charged. In a move of pure instinct Raven whipped a paper chain of the floor and lassoed it round Franz. He squirmed and wriggled with inhuman strength and Raven struggled to wrap it round his ample frame. She wounded it round and round dodging his attacks until he was lying on the floor unable to move. Then Nero burst in,

"Where were you!" Raven yelled at him. "He attacked me again. You told him I had cookies you know what it's like. It's not a joke Nero"

"I didn't" Nero stammered. Raven believed him because although to most people his emotions were unreadable to her they were an open book. She slammed her fist into the table with a force that shook the whole bunker.

"It was them" she whispered her quietened voice contrary to her angry motions.

Laura and the others leaned away from the door. She had the look of a person who knew she was going to die but had accepted it,

"Sum up how you feel right now in one word" Laura whispered, "it might be the last word you ever say"

"Why" said Wing,

"Shit" said Otto,

Laura smiled, "this is two words but where's Shelby"


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry it's yet another short chapter but I like to update quickly. This one may be a little weird but in with the Christmas spirit (ish). Please review with any more ideas of stuff that could happen in the bunker!**

In Nigel and Franz's bedroom...

Shelby rolled off Nigel and wiped her hand over her lips.

"Shelby I think you should stop now because Wing is probably going to ki—". Shelby kissed him again. "Nigel stumbled backwards over the bed and made for the door. "I like all my limbs as they are, Wing will—"

"You don't want to go out there." Shelby whispered, "there was a huge battle with Raven and Franz". Nigel rattled the door knob but found it was locked, Shelby pressed him against the door.

"Stop—you don't know what your doing—sod it—HELP!"

Raven ran to Nigel's door convinced someone was trying to murder him.

"Stand back Nigel" she said preparing herself for a run up to the door, "I'm coming in". Nigel frantically tried to move from under Shelby but her grip was too strong. Nigel had seen how explosive Raven's kicks were and he had no intention of getting one in the back.

"Shelby bed" Nigel gasped saying the only words he thought would move her.

"Of course" said Shelby silkily, Nigel shuddered. Just as Shelby pushed Nigel onto the bed Raven burst in. She drew her kantanas swiftly and scanned the room looking for Nigel.

"Nigel" she called and then she saw Nigel lying on the bed with Shelby on top of him. Why? Raven asked the invisible heavens, did someone have it in for her up there. Raven stayed frozen for about thirty seconds trying to think what to do. She knew if Wing found out there would be war and she didn't particularly feel like picking up Nigel's dissentached limbs from the floor. Raven picked up the door she had just kicked in which was mercifully still intact and she fitted it back into the door frame.

"Shelby get off Nigel" said Raven with a forced calm. "Don't say anything about this to Wing either of you". Nigel staggered to his feet gasping for air and wiping lipstick off his mouth. Raven was disturbed by the particularly terrifying grin on Shelby's face.

"Nigel go and wash your face and Shelby you are not allowed in the same room as Nigel till you...calm down". Raven hated dealing with stuff like this, it was well out of her territory. Nigel headed off with considerable pace.

"Merry christmas!" Shelby burst out,

"What?" Said Raven,

"It's a prank, I don't really want to do Nigel"

"You could have said earlier, before I bashed in the door"

"That would ruin it wouldn't it,"

"Since when was christmas a pranking season anyway"

"Since I said so" said Shelby poking her tongue out at Raven, "every season is a pranking season". Raven shook her head to herself, christmas made everyone utterly mad.


End file.
